150114. all alone.

i guess right now there's only one person who knows me best ? even though he is not the one i like but he is really someone whom i can turn to like the only one i can turn to right now . though i only knew him for like less than half a year , i told him so much & we exchange our experiences and life happenings to each other. i have many friends but it feel no different from having no friends. no one seems to come and ask me how my life is , no one seems to even care. someone who I knew less than 2months showed more care than the rest . what's the point of having friends who always say they are here for you when all i feel is sorrow and pain . it's just like i feel like crying everytime i start thinking about my life. i just don't get how many times in life have i been left alone hopeless , crying while going home . i hate going home alone but i just have to do that all the time . after cca , after school , after everything . many times even having to go to school alone. Nobody have any idea how much i hate being alone or how much i hate the word ALONE except for someone whom i only know for 1months and 9days ? well , it is such a joke. i mean , I'm not posting this because i want to post about him or stuffs but isn't it so pathetic how friends who actually even stayed by your side all these whole are not the one who actually cares ? i wanna break down so badly but i need to control and hold it in . i can't break down at home & not even in public or anywhere. I'm just holding it in and the bottle in my heart just kept adding in all my sorrows. i use to rant out everything and all my sorrows but it's like I'm starting to bottle up everything and have no one to turn to. such a pathetic life which no one even bothers knowing. I'm glad God at least place that one person with me but he is gonna leave me in like May ? i hope i will succeed in the challenge he gave me. i really hope i won't feel alone everytime but it just seems like it's not gonna happen . why does it just seems like i have no friends when i actually have ? why is my life even planned in this manner ? Nobody even cares or bother and it's all just like I'm invisible.