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he's the first person I feel safest telling my life , mood , thoughts , feelings and all to. maybe cause he doesn't know my circle of friends ? I don't know... but it just feels like he's the safest to keep my secrets with.

ㅠㅠscrewed up lifeㅠㅠ

i am not ashamed of coming from a poor family , but all I want is just more money. everything needs money nowadays , tickets to convert , tickets to overseas , food , everything. all because of money , I am unable to do things that I want. yes , many times I hate myself for being born in this kind of family condition , but i never once hated myself for having my parents. I know what they go through and all just to bring me up and I appreciate them a lot but all I ask for is for them to have more cash , more money . everyone of my friends are bragging about being able to go to all concerts and being able to go overseas as and when they can and having all those branded stuffs. I DONT EVEN CARE ABOUT BRANDED THINGS LIKE WHY DO U EVEN NEED IT , not like you can marry or eat it or not like it can cheer U up and fan service you or whatever shit. I just want a better life. yes my life is good now and I really thank God for putting me in this family but i just ask for more excess cash , life is getting tougher each day. more and more financial problems starts coming. i see my parents working their asses off everyday but the amount of money we have never seems to increase. I wish for brothers who knows how to save, why do people need to eat expensive food like buffets ? wtf once in a life time not enough? I really hate myself FUCKING HATE MYSELF. WHY DO I ALWAYS WANT TO GO CONCERTS ?! Though I've only been to two but tbh it's not "ONLY" coz wtf all the money I earned through working and my parents and god-parents working , all gone to waste just like that. BTS IS COMING TO SG AND NOW I FUCKING WANNA GO CAUSE I CAN MEET AND TALK TO THEM , so much more worth it but wtf ? I don't even have the money anymore. WHY CAN'T I HAVE A LITTLE MORE BETTER LIFE ? WHY CAN'T I HAVE JUST THAT ABILITY TO DO ANYTHING I WANT LIKE MY OTHER FRIENDS ? WHY ARE THEY ALL SO GOOD LIFE AND IM HERE LIKE A FREAKING SCREWED UP KID ? WHY IS LIFE SO FCUKING EVIL ? GAHGAHAGSISGKSBSLAHAGIA URGH AND OTHER THAN BLOGGING I HAVE NO WHERE TO EXPRESS MY FEELINGS. FINALLY. BLOG.

141014

remember how you would messsage me when just one day , i dont text you ? when you would ask me if anything is wrong ? I want those times back... If only it was possible... I want someone who would care. Someone who actually loves me. Why is it so hard to find just one ? 2014... Such a wreck & screw up life for me. 3 days later is maths paper 1. Sigh screw this life. I wish i can get out of the KPop World i bet it'll lessen my pain right.

My God's not dead. He's surely alive !!! He's living on the inside roaring like a lion~

091014

Too used to being alone & now im finally fine with being alone which i can't use to be. I use to hate being alone but now i like being alone. Im starting to hate being around people in crowded placed unless they are strangers. I prefer being with strangers than friends. I like meeting new people and i still do but i dont wanna acknowledge them as my "friend" so fast anymore lasttime , everyone i meet , they become my friend just in a split second and i trust everyone so easily. Looking back , i realise how dumb i am haha. And i also want to be able to forgive others on the spot like how some forgives me. Im still trying and i seem to be improving but just not to my brother so i wanna try and start forgiving him and not shooting and blaming him forvhis little mistakes. Its better to start now than never. "better yehet today than kkaebsong tomorrow" ❤️ i want to get out of this KPop world so bad. Its like im happy here but also hurt and upset here.