150114. all alone.

i guess right now there's only one person who knows me best ? even though he is not the one i like but he is really someone whom i can turn to like the only one i can turn to right now . though i only knew him for like less than half a year , i told him so much & we exchange our experiences and life happenings to each other. i have many friends but it feel no different from having no friends. no one seems to come and ask me how my life is , no one seems to even care. someone who I knew less than 2months showed more care than the rest . what's the point of having friends who always say they are here for you when all i feel is sorrow and pain . it's just like i feel like crying everytime i start thinking about my life. i just don't get how many times in life have i been left alone hopeless , crying while going home . i hate going home alone but i just have to do that all the time . after cca , after school , after everything . many times even having to go to school alone. Nobody have any idea how much i hate being alone or how much i hate the word ALONE except for someone whom i only know for 1months and 9days ? well , it is such a joke. i mean , I'm not posting this because i want to post about him or stuffs but isn't it so pathetic how friends who actually even stayed by your side all these whole are not the one who actually cares ? i wanna break down so badly but i need to control and hold it in . i can't break down at home & not even in public or anywhere. I'm just holding it in and the bottle in my heart just kept adding in all my sorrows. i use to rant out everything and all my sorrows but it's like I'm starting to bottle up everything and have no one to turn to. such a pathetic life which no one even bothers knowing. I'm glad God at least place that one person with me but he is gonna leave me in like May ? i hope i will succeed in the challenge he gave me. i really hope i won't feel alone everytime but it just seems like it's not gonna happen . why does it just seems like i have no friends when i actually have ? why is my life even planned in this manner ? Nobody even cares or bother and it's all just like I'm invisible.

ermmmmwhaaaaaat(?)

knowing that you won't like me , why am i still trying ? i just can't seem to give up. I know you won't like me & i guess you won't too. I'm not even trying from the start , i won't even tell you too. i know it's been more than 3 years but because of this long period of them , i just fell more into you. LOL OH SO CHEESY but not as cheesy as that two Gabby. but well will we end up like the two Gabbys (?) such loving couples who broke but patch and all cause of their fated love haha loving each other for as long as i loved you. yes i just have that feeling that you don't love me and all but i just hope it is wrong. thank you for being so kind and sweet to me all this while. now that you left , you still said you would be here but the fact is still that you left. i just hope even though you left , you would still be here with me and by fate we would meet again , by fate we would be together someday . I will be waiting for that day i guess . thank you for all the advices you gave me , I will never forget . thank you for all the memories , laugh and happiness you have given me , it is just more than enough. theend. #yayirocks(?) ok nights peoples .

130114.

after getting hurt a these times and all these years . i tried to forgive and forget , yes i did forgive but i did not forget . because of my forgiveness i got taken for granted. yes you guys said you are my friends but even when I have friends , i just feel like i have none. i just feel like having friends is not any different from having no friends. what is the point of having a friend who actually treat you for granted . what is the point of having a friend who goes out with someone you hate instead of you but infront of you he/she acts like an angel ? what's the point of having a friend when you have no one to go with when you feel alone ? what's the point of having that friend who just abandons you and still acts like an angel in front of u but she's actually just so two-faced ? i don't actually mean anything but why not just tell me that u at her be her friend than mine ? why not just directly tell me and not say it behind my back ? you guys have hurt me enough and i tolerate it enough. i already kept wary of you creatures but why are you guys still stabbing me , leaving me alone is bad enough but acting and putting up a fake front is even worse . just typing this makes me wanna cry. why do i even have such terrible life and such terrible friends . there are like only 2 true friends ? those good ones are around me indeed but those bad ones are actually those that i actually trusted and told everything to. wow just wow . thank you so much. It's just like there's no point of staying i just wish i can get out of this place and go to a place where I can meet true people all just true .. ALL... it is just so hard to just stay in such a place .

WaitingForLove. 120114 oh and it's happykyungsooday i love you DoDyo ❤️ (Ps. my post have nothing to do with Dyo but yaloveloves)

just watched 'Waiting For Love' on KBS-World. it was seriously such a nice show that i cried. it reminded me of my past & my present as well . it made me believe more that love & fate really has link. without fate , your love is not fated and it won't be true or happy . but with fate , your love is fated and even though both of you have many quarrels & obstacles , fate will still bring the both of you together and love again. yeonae just reminded me of my past where i abandoned a guy cause i had no feelings for him. though I'm not like yeonae's past , the past who have a lot of boyfriends , i had none but i had one guy who i know likes me and i liked him back but we weren't together . yes , like yeonae , i know that the guy really puts me as his first place in his heart but he is not my first place anymore. it is all the past but after that show it just made me recall of it. yes , i know i May had been heartless but i know that I was totally in the same position as yeonae , i like another guy . the guy who had been in my heart for 3years and still counting . it's like he never left. even though he left the school and we rarely text , i just think i should believe in fate if we are to be , we will meet again. just like what he said people come and go , friends come and go . yes , that's totally true but with fate , if we are fated no matter how far we are apart , fate will bring us back together. i shall just leave it to fate & God even though i know it's really a tough choice to make for me . i just don't know if i should even like you in the first place , i don't even know if I'm in the right position to , i don't even know if i can . i guess i shall just wait & wait till the day where i even can feel true love . the love which i had always been longing for . I will just be waiting for love , waiting for the day.